Jennie V.

Loss

I want to take a minute to talk about the passing of Melvin Rhodes.

When Lorraine called to tell me what had happened, I absolutely could not process it. I like to think that I am someone who can be comforting and provide reassurance and support when needed, but at that moment I was completely useless. There could be no one on this earth less likely to pass so unexpectedly, but anyways there it was.

I wrapped up what I needed to get done in Denver and got home and to Starkville just in time to make it to the visitation. I was really ok until I got up to the front of the visitation line and saw Melvin lying there so peacefully and Jan there at his side, as she nearly always was in life. I can hardly remember a time when I saw one without the other - maybe once when she was passing through Tupelo with the girls but that's about all.

At the visitation and funeral, there was a table on which were placed sheets of paper for people to write rememberances or stories for the family to read and share. I have to admit, I was a little stumped.

The thing is - I don't have any unique experiences to share. I have no funny anecdotes. I can't tell you a story that exemplifies who he was or what he was like.

What I loved about him is the quiet friendly solid presence I always felt. I have known Lorraine for almost 20 years now and so have known Jan and Melvin almost as long. While I didn't go to Mississippi State with many of my friends, I did spend quite a bit of time there and so was at the house from time to time. As Marcus and Lorraine's family has grown, I have been there more and more. Together with Jan, Melvin produced through genetics and upbringing one of the people I love the most in the world. He is the patriarch of one of the big parts of the family I have chosen for myself. He and Jan had a way of inviting and embracing outsiders like me into their family as if we always belonged. I have been invited for some of their family holiday gatherings and I never felt any other way than comfortable and warm and welcome. He always greeted me with a smile and a hug and a genuine interest in me and my life.

He so clearly adored his wife, daughters and grandchildren. And if you were lucky enough to know him, you would find that he opened his arms and heart even wider.

You don't get to meet many people like that in a lifetime.

So, there isn't one story or tidbit I will miss or remember. It is a way of living and being that is so rare that it's loss will be felt by so many for so long. Including me.

DLO

For so long, you were like another set of parents for me. I have wonderful memories of staying with you for weeks at a time through my school years and even while I was in college. I even remember staying at the Len Lew, and at your home behind it. I remember the pool tables and sitting on the barstools while Uncle Melvin showed me how to bend and straighten the tines of a fork. I remember the buffalo across the road, your bulldogs, and the loss I felt when the Len Lew burned. I remember the girls when they were little and keeping them when you needed me to. They were the additional "sisters" to balance all of my brothers.

I'm hearing the sound of dominoes being shuffled, and it always reminds me of Granddaddy and Uncle Melvin teaching us and playing at holidays. Though I've rarely played as an adult, I can compete with anyone. Now, it reminds me that Uncle Melvin is with Granddaddy again.

I know that you have many more loving memories than I do, and I pray that you draw comfort from them all. I want you to know that we all miss him, and we are all with you. I love all of you.

With Love,
DLO

Sandra P.

Two days after Christmas I sat down to catch up on all the blogs and see how everyone's Christmases were and I read the news on Marcus' blog. It was so strange because the telephone had just rung while I was reading. I was trying to talk to the person on the phone but my mind would just not work. I just said, "wait, wait" over and over. I know the caller thought I was losing my mind. For a moment there, I did. I immediately called Marcus and spoke with him. Almost one week later and I am still in disbelief.

We were supposed to leave the next day to go to Indianola to have Christmas there. Plans change. We all wanted to be there for Mar and Lo so we had Christmas late on the 27th and then drove to Starkville on the 28th for visitation. The crowd in the little Episcopal church in Starkville was unbelievable. So many people. The Rhodes family has touched so many people. There were friends of Jan and Melvin, Lo and Mar, Lady and Matt, and Alyson and Dylan. All ages, all kinds.

Remembering Poppa.

Melvin, out cutting a Christmas tree, just weeks before he died.

Melvin, in a classic after-Thanksgiving-dinner nap. This one was 2007 in Fairhope.

Melvin died under these trees. Jan found a lot of comfort in the fact that there were three of them watching over him, just as he had three daughters.

Isabelle felt compelled to use the skills that Poppa taught her, and she made this memorial marker for the spot where he died. She nailed the pieces together, helped paint it, and carried it out and placed it.

Rest in Peace, Poppa.

This is a display case that we created to house some important pieces of Melvin's life.

On behalf of a grateful nation...

When Melvin Rhodes is your father,

you learn at any early age that dying is a part of living.

You also learn not to shy away from death.

So, I have been to a lot of funerals.

Therefore, it came as a shock to realize,

as I heard the notes of Taps being played by Adrian Vaaler,

one of Dad's buddies from Vietnam,

that I had never attended a funeral with military components.

Years ago, Dad and I had discussed that his casket would be covered with the American flag instead of flowers. I understood that.

I didn't realize that the flag would be held aloft as Taps played.

It never occurred to me that as I sat beside my mother,
one of our closest family friends,
Sam Gross (Dad considered Sam to be a son he never had),
would present the flag to her with these words:

This flag is presented

on behalf of a grateful nation

and the United States Army

as a token of appreciation

for your loved one's

honorable and faithful service.

We accept this flag

 as a token of remembrance

 of an amazing man's honorable and faithful service 

to not only his nation,

but also to his family and friends.

Paul's Graveside Service

We are sad today. We have come to say good-bye to someone we love. That is not easy. Some of us knew him only slightly or because of what we were told. Some of us know him because he cared for us or our children. His family knows him as a loving, devoted father and grandfather. They will cherish warm memories as long as they live.

We have also come here today to celebrate. The Bible tells us that "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of one of his saints." (Psalm 116:15)

Wednesday evening, the Lord looked down and said, "My son, you have waited long enough. It is time for you to come home now." He was keeping the promise he made through the prophet Isaiah, "He will feed his flock like a shepherd, he will gather the lambs together in his arms and carry them in his bosom." (Isaiah 40:11)

We all know that the writer of the book of Ecclesiastes penned "there is a time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep, and a time to laugh." (Ecclesiastes 3) Today, we are sad. That is at it should be - but our grief is for one another, not for God's saint. He has gone through the open door to a far more beautiful life.

The Apostle Paul said, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. I am in a strait between the two, having a desire to depart and to be with Christ which is far better" than to live on earth. (Philippians 1:21-23)

John, the beloved disciple of Jesus, stood on the Isle of Patmos and looked over into eternity. He wrote to us "One of the elders said unto me, What are these who are arrayed in white robes? Where did they come from? And I answered him, Sir, you know. And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the lamb. Therefore they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple. And he that sits on the throne shall live among them. They shall hunger no more, neither shall they thirst. For the Lamb that is in the midst of them shall feed them and shall lead them to living fountains of water. And God shall wipe away every tear from their eyes." (Revelation 7:9-17) Imagine that! God himself shall wipe away our tears.

Jesus had earlier said, "Let not your heart be troubled: you believe in God, believe also in me. In my father's house are many abiding places. I go to prepare a place just for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself that where I am there you may be also. I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father except by me." (John 14:1-6)

In 1 Thessalonians, Paul assured us of the resurrection. "I would not have you ignorant, brethren, concerning those who are asleep. I don't want you to sorrow like those who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, then we know that those who have died will be brought by God to live with him. The Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, and with the voice of the archangel, and the with trumpet of God. The dead in Christ shall rise first, then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together in the air and we shall ever be with the Lord. Comfort one another with these words. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18)

Paul did not stop there though. He also told us that "you know perfectly well that the day of the Lord comes as does a thief in the night." (1 Thessalonians 5:2)

He told us to be prepared for the coming of the Lord at a time unknown to any of us. Just this week, the day has come for students on a bus, travelers on an icy road, and a saint on his farm. None of them knew that the day of the Lord was so near. Paul told us to be ready "For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Thessalonians 5:9)

We have heard the comfort of God through his word and have been reminded of our own needs. Still we might ask - Why Melvin? Why now?

There are some answers in Romans 11:33-36:

How great are God's riches! How deep are his wisdom and knowledge!

Who can explain his decisions? Who can understand his ways?

As the Scripture says, Who knows the mind of the Lord? Who is able to give him advice? Who has ever loaned him anything so that he had to pay it back?

For all things were created by him and all things exist through him and for him.

To God be the glory forever!

We don't understand. We don't have to. God knows. He sees the big picture. He knows that this is the right time. We just have to trust him. That's all we can do.

Melvin sees the big picture now. He sees God in all his glory. Today he stands strong and powerful in his presence. He finished his race with grace and dignity and victory. Now he is cheering you on. He is telling you that you can do it too.

He sees how strong your faith is. He sees your smile in spite of your sorrow. He wants you to share eternity with the Lord - and with him.

Let us take our sorrow and our need to God in prayer.

Holy Father, creator of all that is,

whose Son is our redeemer

and whose Holy Spirit is our strength

- three in one -

comfort us in our loss.

Give us your strength as we deal with the days ahead.

Fill us with memories of happier times.

Remind us of childhood romps and school day challenges.

Remind us of hugs and smiles and encouragement.

Thank you for letting us have Melvin in our lives 

for far too short a time.

Help us to be to someone else what he has been for us.

Amen

Jim

I hope to speak to you today - but if not, know I share your loss & deeply sympathize with all of you.
The color photo of Melvin shirtless at a desk is perhaps the way I remember him best.
"Favorite memory" - let me tell you how we got to be roommates, all within a couple of hours or so!
And his wry humor, enjoyment of fun times, & so much more. "Meg"

Felicia

I remember . . . .

• riding in the little "hole" in the back of the "Yellow Squash Yuck Bug".

• sitting on a barstool eating pretzels and drinking Sprite.

• learning to play pinball - 10 games at a time.

• eating breakfast in the middle of the night.

• learning to count on the adding machine.

• learning to only use 3 sheets of toilet paper

• learning bulldogs have gas all the time!

• always feeling loved - especially while I wore those loud flowery maternity pants Uncle Melvin picked out!

• "just following her" and dropping flower petals at your wedding.

• riding on the 4-wheeler looking over "the farm".

• not understanding how peanut butter sandwiches were not only good breakfast food but helped cure a stomach bug.

• how Uncle Melvin loved us all.

Felicia

Andy

Which story to tell?

I called my parents last night to tell them the sad news, and my mother told the one when Caroline was born. I'm not sure where Melvin & Jan went, but they were out of town when Kathleen was released from the hospital. Melvin knew we had more family in town than our house could hold, so he told us he'd leave their house open just in case anyone wanted to stay there!

Until we see you again,
Andy, Kathleen, Caroline,
& the loving memory of Zach

Tom & Brooke

(Photos from the 2007 Indianapolis 500.)
We will never forget the amazing Indy 500 trip we took Melvin on. My father, Randy - who lives in Indiana, was so thankful we brought Melvin with us. We will always treasure our precious time spent with him! We have always felt like he was looking out for the both of us. He was a genuine, true friend, and we will miss him dearly. Tom & Brooke

Larry

Melvin was a good friend, a hard worker, and always had a wonderful smile on his face. Larry

Arthur

Standing by Uncle Harry's casket in his seersucker suit. Solemn & comical. Locking the lid.

Gene, Suzanne, & Joey

Melvin was rarely one to have "idle hands." Yet, the last time we visited with him, we got to catch a glimpse of him laying out in the sun, eyes closed - resting out the afternoon of Benjamin's 2nd birthday party. I'd like to think that would be the way he'd like to be remembered - one of a perfect balance of work and play - but not too extreme of either. Just right!
Love, Gene, Suzanne, & Joey

Nancy

After Lady & Matt's wedding, we celebrated with Melvin into the wee hours of the night! We drank Yellow Tail wine and listened to him tell us about his life. It was so fun! I got to know him that night and I have a great respect for him. Love, Nancy

Kevin

If it weren't for Len-Lew's, I might have finished college in less than 12 years!

But, what fun would that have been?

I am so sorry to have lost a good friend.

Kevin

Towana & Lee

A wonderful neighbor,
always a smile, friendly always.
Ready to help you.
A working man!

Towana & Lee

Elaine

Where to start?

• Patriotic - served his country.
  
• Served his community as an Alderman.
• Mortician, bar owner, all around handyman.
  
• He faced new tasks with gusto - learning and improving skills.
• Family man - always there for his girls and their families.
  
• Loving and caring. Found necessary time for Mother, sisters, relatives.
• Melvin and Jan always welcomed people into their home/lives. You became extended family.
• A friend - supportive and encouraging.
• Always there in an emergency.

Melvin was a true Renaissance man!

Loving memories,
Elaine

Ed C.

Melvin is a dear friend, always dependable & supportive with a cheerful disposition. He was always willing to help with any request. In Sunday School, he could be counted on to do whatever was needed to support the project at hand. The "Lights of Love" program is as successful as it is because of his help with the lights on the tree and any other task where he was needed. He believed in helping people in need and in a quiet and unassuming way he saw that the need was met. I will miss him. His shoes cannot be filled. He made a very positive impact on my life. He was one of those people who left the world a better place because he lived. Ed

Denny & Judy

Melvin was a special friend and brother. (As well as my "twin" for the last 30 years.) Denny and Judy

Ginni & Paul

Heads up Mel -
The paratroopers are landing!

Thanks for the memories and for the love you all shared with our family - Ginni & Paul

Sally & Ray

We remember Melvin as a good friend, easy to talk to - interesting comments in Sunday School and a part of our extended family for many years. We'll miss him so very much - loved Melvin and Jan, and still do. Love, Sally & Ray

Paul

When I became ill with Cancer, Melvin and Janice were the first people to come to our aid.

Melvin also loaned us a trolling motor battery when James, Bob, and I went fishing. We promptly sank the boat and all the contents including the battery. Melvin just laughed about it and thought it was one of the funniest things he had ever heard.

Paul

Janice T.

Camping with the Rhodes is a favorite memory of mine. God Bless. Janice

Cindy

Melvin was like a "second" father to me growing up as a young girl down the street on White Drive. I spent every summer at the Rhodes house playing with the three daughters. I have fond memories of Melvin with his happy smiling face. I will always be grateful for the help that he gave my family during my father's death - Melvin identified the body for my family and helped with the arrangements.

I will miss him a great deal.

Misty

My memory of Melvin is always offering to help. I was purchasing my first house and after driving Jan & Melvin crazy with all my questions and concerns, Melvin met me at the house. He climbed on the roof, looked around, and even went under the house. He, like Jan, always gave you a straight answer and I knew Melvin wouldn't beat around the corner. he always was so nice and genuine. I will always be grateful for his help, honesty, and understanding no matter how many stupid questions I asked. Misty

Charlotte

I still have the old refrigerator Melvin gave me that he picked up off the side of the road. What a thoughtful, resourceful, and wonderful man! Charlotte

Kane

I have no one memory that stands out most, but I will remember Melvin for the way he always was ready to offer a hand or advice in anything I had a question about. He had so much knowledge and loved life. Thank you all for being great to me and my family. I will always remember Melvin with a smile. Kane

James

Melvin & I installed signs pointing to the church at 82 & N. Montgomery and 12 & S. Montgomery. Big fun! The signs are still there. James

Suzie Q

Asking Tiff when she was a little girl,

"What's your daddy's favorite color?" -

Answer: MONEY GREEN

Suzie Q
alias
Aunt Sue
Aunt Zanne
Suzanne

"But Melvin . . . . "

Mike

Melvin saved my life in '98 when I came back in worse shape than I had ever been in. Thanks, Mike

Martha

Melvin - what kind of memories do I have of him? Quite a few though they are are in some Bits & Pieces.

• Melvin & I talking pros & cons of rental real estate vs. "fix um up & sell um".
• Melvin & Jan being kind of a stand in family while I was in my one semester of college - & Jan coming to my dorm room.
• Melvin talking about Nikki - one of the cousins on the Adams side that he liked to email.

Get this - I don't know how old it is - the picture of "The Rhodes Card" from Christmas with the MSU balloon. It has hung and continues to hang in my hallway with some of my other favorite pictures. (Note: The picture is from 1992.)

You see my memories of Melvin include his family - including Aunt Daisy Lee & Uncle Claiborne. I love all of you more than you will ever know or show (that's one of the Rhodes traits).
Love, Martha Rhodes Gill

Bill & Anne

1st at the tire store,
then the walks on Cedar Lane,

We will miss Melvin so much...
Love, Bill & Anne

Mike & Ellen

Our first memory of Melvin, Jan, & Starkville:
When we moved to Starkville, ya'll were the first friends we met. Ya'll had us to your home two days after the birth of Alyson & our Mitch was six months old. We've appreciated the love from ya'll for 25 years since. Thinking of all of you and praying for your comfort - Love, Mike & Ellen

Camille

I remember a beautiful, close knit family with great parents and kids on White Drive in the 70's and 80's. May God continue to give you peace in your loss - Camille

Bill & Staci

Shortly after the birth of my second daughter, Jill, Melvin said that having daughters and being surrounded by women was the greatest gift there was! He meant every word and, of course, it's true. Bill

He was always smiling and it made me smile too. I looked forward to seeing him when we called him for odd jobs. He loved to relate Lady as a child with Jane, comparing their challenging dispositions. He sure was proud of each of his beautiful girls. Staci

Remembrances

The following remembrances from the visitation were unsigned:

• He was always very generous and was there when someone needed him. He was also kind.

• Every moment talking to Melvin was a memory, the quick wit, infectious smile and that moustache!
  

Justin

My favorite memory of Melvin was on the first date I picked up Alyson. Of course I was running about 15 minutes early and Alyson was running about 30 minutes behind. I remember entering the house nervous & sweating b/c you never know how a girl’s father is going to react when his baby girl goes on a date. When I walked in he was at the kitchen table cleaning his gun. Knowing Melvin he just happened to need to clean the gun but for a first impression I was petrified, I seriously thought I might DIE if I brought Alyson home 5 minutes late. I will always remember that. Melvin always treated me like I was a part of the family and I loved him like another Dad. I’ll always be there for you guys. Love, Justin

Alice W.

At a Loss

I am at a loss for words right now. I just read the news about Melvin. I am in shock. And I am saddened.

Melvin was a part of my life during a very transitional period. When I was coming into adulthood, he and Jan were there for me in some odd but familial ways. Yes, they definitely rescued me from trouble a few times at MSMS. Their house was a place I could go that first year of college as well. I went to their house the first time my heart was ever broken - I could not share with my own family the way I could with them.

More than a few times I had car trouble in college, and Melvin came to my rescue. I never hesitated to call on him. He was nothing like my own father, but I know my parents appreciated that he would help me when I needed it.

He was also my landlord my senior year, and I am glad he still was good to me when Lo & I would have our ups and downs with each other. And despite his interactions with my parents, which I have always suspected had more downs than I knew.

Melvin and Jan were probably the first adults to treat me as an adult. Although I haven't seen them in years, I still hold them close to my heart. Without them and Lorraine my life might have turned out very different.

Early Departure

Late yesterday, we were enjoying the after-Christmas sales when our lives took a radical and unexpected turn. 

My beloved father has died. 

Mom became suspicious when Daddy didn't answer his phone, and became alarmed when she realized that he hadn't answered calls from me and my sisters, either. Aly's boyfriend was the first to arrive at the farm where Daddy had gone to work. He found Daddy's body almost immediately. I will be forever grateful to him for staying with my Daddy in the cold, pouring rain. He stayed until the emergency workers arrived. Daddy however, did not. He was long gone before any of us realized something was amiss. 

I know there are sayings about dying "in the saddle" or "with his boots on" - those would never have been appropriate for him. Daddy died with his shovel in his hands, doing exactly what he wanted to do, on the farm he loved. I hurt for my loss, for my mother, my sisters, his grandchildren (especially the ones who will have to be told about him rather than know him well themselves), and everyone else who knew and loved him. But I could not be more thankful for the way Daddy died. I just wish it hadn't come so soon.
tlm