Jennie V.

Loss

I want to take a minute to talk about the passing of Melvin Rhodes.

When Lorraine called to tell me what had happened, I absolutely could not process it. I like to think that I am someone who can be comforting and provide reassurance and support when needed, but at that moment I was completely useless. There could be no one on this earth less likely to pass so unexpectedly, but anyways there it was.

I wrapped up what I needed to get done in Denver and got home and to Starkville just in time to make it to the visitation. I was really ok until I got up to the front of the visitation line and saw Melvin lying there so peacefully and Jan there at his side, as she nearly always was in life. I can hardly remember a time when I saw one without the other - maybe once when she was passing through Tupelo with the girls but that's about all.

At the visitation and funeral, there was a table on which were placed sheets of paper for people to write rememberances or stories for the family to read and share. I have to admit, I was a little stumped.

The thing is - I don't have any unique experiences to share. I have no funny anecdotes. I can't tell you a story that exemplifies who he was or what he was like.

What I loved about him is the quiet friendly solid presence I always felt. I have known Lorraine for almost 20 years now and so have known Jan and Melvin almost as long. While I didn't go to Mississippi State with many of my friends, I did spend quite a bit of time there and so was at the house from time to time. As Marcus and Lorraine's family has grown, I have been there more and more. Together with Jan, Melvin produced through genetics and upbringing one of the people I love the most in the world. He is the patriarch of one of the big parts of the family I have chosen for myself. He and Jan had a way of inviting and embracing outsiders like me into their family as if we always belonged. I have been invited for some of their family holiday gatherings and I never felt any other way than comfortable and warm and welcome. He always greeted me with a smile and a hug and a genuine interest in me and my life.

He so clearly adored his wife, daughters and grandchildren. And if you were lucky enough to know him, you would find that he opened his arms and heart even wider.

You don't get to meet many people like that in a lifetime.

So, there isn't one story or tidbit I will miss or remember. It is a way of living and being that is so rare that it's loss will be felt by so many for so long. Including me.